Every relationship comes across a point where the people are just not getting along. It happens. Somehow we get to our adult years with an idea of what relationship is meant to be and, for most of us, that idea includes something close to nirvana. So, naturally, when times get difficult in our marriage or partnership, we wonder what went wrong and think it should not be hard. Too many difficult times and we can easily justify leaving the relationship and our mate. We go back out into the big world, holding on to the idea that somewhere there is someone with whom we will live in this land of nirvana.
And, there is actually a land of nirvana to be found. It just may not be exactly as plush as we hope. In relationship, as in all of life, there are times when storms are to be weathered. For most of us, we get stuck in the place of pain. This pain usually hits hard and fast after something has happened, something we do not agree with. All of this is, simply, a natural part of being a person in a relationship. Nirvana lies on the other side of pain. It is our ability to move beyond the pain, the blame, the harshness, towards understanding.
Through my work, I help people gain insight as to why the pain is experienced in the first place and then to develop the skill to move past the pain. Once there, we can again experience the sweetness of connection that drew us to each other in the first place.
Sometimes our conflict has us so stuck that we need help from a third, neutral person. My training in mediation helps me be able to facilitate a meeting or conversation between the two people in a way that they start to hear each other again, allowing them to move beyond what has them stuck in conflict. It is a powerful thing to witness people find each other again.
I love the work I do. I thrive on helping people move from a stuck, perplexed way of relating to an engaged, caring connection.